Daily Log 4 June 2011 - Fear is your best friend because it allows you to know yourself more

DAILY LOG 4 JUNE 2011 MUSINGS AND THOUGHTS I'm feeling quite down lately. To start with I'm suffering from the flu so I haven't been working out lately (by lately I mean for the last 3 days). The cough and the runny nose just won't go away. It's not a complete disaster though. I managed to migrate this blog from the original blogspot to wordpress and all it took was 1 day. There were some stressful moments though when rezaalireactivated.com went offline for a whole day. Then the email wouldn't work. Thankfully there are some very helpful people out there who guided me through the process. Speaking of the blog, sometimes I wonder if anybody reads it. I know I can track the number of page views on blogspot as well as wordpress but do people really read it. Someone told me today that my postings were boring and would send people to sleep. She pointed out another blog started by someone else a few months ago who now has a readership of 2000. So how do I make my blog more interesting so that people won't fall asleep? I suppose it's got a lot to do with my writing style or maybe it's got to do with me? Or maybe both? I have to admit that lately I've been tempted to just stop writing. I'm sure the cyber world would scarcely tremble at the thought. Such thoughts are quickly discarded as ultimately, this blog is a record of my thoughts, as bare and naked as I could make it. And if anything were to happen to me, at least my thoughts in this blog will always be around. Having said that though, I sure would like to have a couple of thousand readers. Back to the journey. I'm writing this post from the coastal town of Port Dickson. The folks at Triathlon Malaysia have organized a triathlon clinic to help newcomers like me. I don't actually know what's involved in the clinic but I hope that it would involve some swimming, some cycling and some running.

One problem. I'M SICK. Even in my current condition (with the flu and all) the triathlon clinic is to valuable an opportunity for me to let go. As I haven't been doing much of anything the last few days I decided to go for a run on the beach.

RUN The last time I ran was a hill run on Tuesday. I was at this very hotel (Avillion Admiral Cove) for my birthday in January and I remember going for a run on the beach. At that time I had to negotiate with my myself in order to get through the run. If I remember correctly I alternated between walking and running back and forth on the beach. I also remember that the running really took a lot out of me and I was severely out of breath at the end of the run. Today's run was very different from that run. Even though I'm not well I managed to run the 2km very comfortably. I didn't want to run far or at a fast pace because I'm still not 100 per cent yet. Don't pass up any chances to run on the beach because it's a totally different experience than running on the road. There was a certain kind of magic when I ran on the beach this evening. The sun was setting and I could feel nature all around me. Sure there are a lot of man made stuff around (including some oil rigs far in the horizon) but nothing can take away the glory of the sun as it disappears in the horizon. And of course I can't help hearing the theme of 'Chariots of Fire' when running, much like the opening scene of that movie. Too bad I wasn't wearing all white and there were no video cameras around. Then I decided to go for a swim. Whilst the run was great, the swim was something different altogether.

SWIM The dreaded open water swim. The reason why I'm here for the triathlon clinic. The fear that keeps me awake at night. The tide was coming in so the waves were quite intense but I decided to just try it out. I wasn't going for any distance or speed. I was going for the experience and making the unknown known to me. I didn't have anybody to accompany me for the swim so I decided to swim along the shore and just for a few meters. I went into the water and I can instantly feel the power and energy of the sea. This is not something to mess around with. After only a few meters out the water was already chest high. I can feel things around my feet. They felt like branches (I hope) and I brushed them away with my feet. I tok some deep breathes and started to swim. The first thing that I noticed was that the water was so murky that I couldn't see anything at all. When i take a breath then i would see the bright sky. It was like watching a movie with censored blackened parts every 3 seconds. It was mildly confusing and throughly scary. Negotiating though the waves was also quite an experience. The swim lasted no more than 5 minutes for me but it taught me a lot. One of the things I learnt was that I can easily lose my sense of direction and I need to learn to swim with my head up so that I can see where I'm going. Has this helped me at all? Yes. Absolutely. Now I know what it feels, looks like and sounds like (and taste like as well- salty water is definitely something to get used to). Am I less fearful? Nope. If anything, I am more fearful but at least it gives me something to deal with, instead of the stuff my over active imagination feeds me. The morning waves would be calmer (I hope). I've decided not to cycle or run tomorrow as i still don't feel 100% but I'm going to do whatever it takes to conquer the waves, otherwise I might as well look for something else to do as I can't do any triathlons if I don't overcome this thing with swimming.